I just sat here for the last hour trying to write a blog about a topic that seriously pisses me off. I was 100% ready to just jump into exampling all of the reasons WHY it pisses me off, and then balance it out with why I can understand how SOME people can do it. But after the last hour, and not even a page in, I just can’t get that post finished. So, whatever, I’m ditching the idea. At least for now, it isn’t important.
What is important is finding a muse that inspires me. And I think that has been my problem. Not only has my writing taken a down fall, but my life has grown so negative, and uninspired over the past several years. I have been focusing on things that frustrate and piss me off, things that have complicated my life and made it more difficult and challenging. And I have been using these things as my fuel.
The problem with only using negativity to fuel life, is that is leads to a negative life.
Constantly looking for negativity as a fuel source has you focused on waiting for the next negative thing, the next bad hit, the next hard fall, and that is such a difficult life to live. It’s not impossible to live life that way. Many people do it. I’ve been doing it, but it’s exhausting, it’s crippling to the psyche. Our spirit can’t handle that downtrodden feeling on a daily basis and neither can our bodies. It starts to take a physical toll as much as a mental one. We start feeling weak minded and weak in strength. We start to see the negative as the only things in our lives and not only do we lose focus on the good things, the great things, the beautiful and amazing things, we stop seeing them altogether. We stop noticing the flowers on the side of the road, and how they might make that special person smile if we stop to pick them for her. We stop seeing the joy in the laughter from a child. We can’t hear the lullaby in the tune of the early birds at 5 am. The purr of a kitten, the sigh of a puppy, the moan of a lover, all fall to the wayside as just parts of life and we forget to celebrate them because they have ceased to be our fuel. They have almost, ceased to exist.
It’s not as though we always choose to use these negative things as our motivator, more often it’s just that last straw before we make the changes we have to make that kicks us into gear. I think it’s at those critical moments that we have to be very aware of what we are choosing. Are we choosing to make life better, or are we choosing to not let it get worse?
I have dealt with my fair share of tragedy, loss, hurt, pain, and fear. But I am truly trying to turn my focus away from those things. Instead I have made conscientious decisions to look at appreciate the good things in my life. I am very blessed to have a strong amazing woman to share my life with. I am blessed to have a safe comfortable roof over my head, food in my stomach, and a good job. I find peace in knowing that when I wake in the morning, my cat will be, without a doubt, there to greet me. I know that my parents love me unconditionally. They have not always agreed with, or supported my decisions, but they always did what they thought was best for me and never turned me away from a hot meal, a warm bed, and a clean shower. My health, though wearying at times, is mostly in good shape. I have most of my sanity. I can still bask in the warmth of the sun on my face and play in mud puddles with my rain boots on. I have much to feel good about in life. I am only 28 years old. I have many more adventures ahead of me!
These things should all be where I pull my energy from. Not from the hard things. Yes the lessons were good and they were learned with rightful purpose and the marks hit home, but I have to learn to hone in on the beauty in life too. Using the smile that crinkles up to my partners amazing blue eyes is a much better motivation than thinking about how I am going to earn enough money to pay for my next meal. Tonight, as you wind down with your hot tea, your cold beer, or your tall glass of wine, think about these things, and how you can find the positivity in your own life. What lovely things have you let slip away while focused on motivating yourself with the negative? Imagine what life would be like, how it would be different if you used the good things in your life as a motivator. And if you can’t think of good things, use that (creating more good) as your motivation.
Some people think I am a dreamer. And that may be true, but I am in heart, a realist. I just chose not to use the dark side of reality as my stepping stones. Instead, I focus onward and upward, moving into lighter and brighter days, and leaving the darkness to be dealt with in the past. After all, the higher the sun rises, the brighter the day gets.