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A Strange Kind of Homesickness

I think I can identify with this young woman’s feelings of loss. Sometimes we lose ourselves in life and it’s struggle to find who we are again.

rondelet by Cara

Going back to France this time was a grand project. A challenge. Something motivating and exciting.

I hadn’t felt that motivated and excited in a long time—probably not since the last time I was in France. Last summer and fall, whenever I talked about going back to France, I lit up. Besides fitting snugly into the new “plan” I’d outlined for myself, it just felt right.

I envisioned this séjour as a fresh start, the easy answer to the complex, convoluted, and downright tough questions I’ve been grappling with. About who I was versus who I am now, about what I really want out of life and how to get it.

But answers don’t come easily and fixes aren’t quick, no matter how drastically you change your life.

I made my drastic change. I moved to Paris—PARIS for goodness sake, one of the most beautiful cities in the world!—and I quickly fell into a funk.

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At…

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