Starting this blog causes ripples of trepidation and excitement for me. I find myself wondering if anyone will bother reading it. Will they laugh with me? Cry with me? Feel anger and angst and joy with me? Will people read my thoughts and have a complete opposition and feel hurt or frustration towards me? Do I care? All of my life I have keep journals, logs of my life and personal thoughts written for my eyes only. I have pages upon pages, books upon books, stacks filling up boxes of hand written words and memories chronicled for no reason other than to get them out of my head. There has always been a need, a driving force to expel the mind fuck of emotions from my heart and put them outside of my mind. Some people exercise for release, some people garden, some cook, some do drugs, some make music. I do some of these things, but nothing brings me relief, nothing calms my shaking nerves, stills my pumping blood, lowers the heat from my cheeks or lessens the taste of bile in my throat like writing. Much of the time, my thoughts are coming out faster than my hands can put them on paper, or type them, and they don’t always make sense, for this I apologize in advance. You know how some people talk so fast you can’t always follow them? Sometimes I write like that.
I suppose that if I have any chance of luring you in and gaining your attention, I should give you a glimpse into what my goal is here and who this person behind the keyboard is. I find that everything in life is fluid. Everything changes from one moment to the next. What you feel, what you see, the air around you, sounds, temperature, time, everything is always changing. I am not the same person I was 15 years ago, and I am not the person I will be 15 years from now. I am also not the same person I was yesterday or the same person I will be tomorrow. If you go back through the pages of my old life, you would see that the person I thought I wanted to be is not the person I am now. And I can tell you that what is happening in my life is amazing and crazy and emotional. I am very happy with the places life has taken me, and the journeys I have traveled no matter how heart wrenching and despairing some parts were. I have progressed very far from that narrow minded young woman that I once was. I have learned that things and people will come and go, nothing is permanent. I have come so far from where I was. There are many stories and exciting things I am eager to write about, to share my experiences of, and to continue to grow from. I can’t wait to tell you my views on organized religion, feminism, faith, protests, humanity, race, rights, activism, work, social Issues, politics, health, pharmaceuticals, drugs, alcohol, lesbians, and so many many more topics!